I was about 9 or 10 which I consider being a child. I am male and one would expect it more likely to happen naturally from the opposite sex. I recognise in adult life it was child sex play. Well, its not really sex. Its experimentation, exploration play. I never felt intimidated or coerced although it was introduced to me, rather than having the inclination myself.
Before that age I had no interest in girls or sex, it sort of just happened. Girls chased boys, wanted to kiss the boys! I just liked the attention and kisses. Then they wanted to come around for tea and get you alone to play doctors and nurses. But in a loving family, parents cuddle, they kiss, its natural.
Mine did. So I guess the girls just copy mummy and I imagine maybe are coming into puberty too. Some girls seemed more advanced than others though. My ex girlfriend 57 says she had menstruation at 10 and puberty at Obviously, laws are in place to prevent the complications of this. However, its the hormones which dictate actions, not the law. Many who are young adolescents actually discover sex naturally, enjoy it and continue, whatever their age or risks.
In my experiences, females are just as eager to have sexual encounters as males, even as young girls it seems. Above the age of say 9, I believe a child has cognative ability to reconise right from wrong but they might not report it. Obviously people with learning difficulties it may be much older into adulthood. It may not particularly mean any sinister goings on. Maybe there are older siblings around and picked up from them, accidentally witnessed parents having sex or access to the internet unsupervised.
Print was very much the media when I was young and old enough to show an interest, we often found porn magazines dumped in woodlands and read them but now it is instant access online.
Of course it could also mean abuse from another child or adult. Or feel so much shame after they blame themselves. And then there is coercion and manipulation. Anyone coercing any child or even any adult for that matter into sexual activity with manipulation is out of line and in the case of children are breaking the law.
Best, HT. I was a perpetrator of child on child abuse. I am a female in my twenties, and when I was a child I coerced my sister to perform sexual acts on me, twice. I was around six, she was four. The only thing I remember is what I did to her. Ella, this sounds like a huge burden to bear for you. But we want to assure you that you are in no way a terrible person because this happened.
As the article mentions, children are naturally curious about their bodies. They are either acting from an innocent curiosity, or they are mimicking what they have been taught by adults. If that was what it was, you would have learned it from somewhere. If a young child has been shown sexual things either by an adult sexually abusing them, or by an adult allowing a child access to such things when a child should be protected from such imagery, this is the fault of the adult, not the child.
A child can then try to pass on their confusion and upset about such an experience by re-enacting it with another child. Any therapist worth their certification would not at all judge you over this experience. Note that many of us have had some sort of experience like this as a child. You are not alone with this, you are not some strange monster, you are a person with difficult past experiences that upset her. Today im 18 years old but The curiosity started when i think I was 3 or 4 but around like 6 or 7 maybe 8 my step brother which who was the same age and same sex as me at the times engaged in sexual activities once i got a little older and knowledgeable I stopped it from happening but It I feel guilty about what happend and sometimes it makes me confused about my sexuality even though i know im straight I just question my self why would I do something like that.
Hi Bill, as the article discusses, children are naturally curious about their bodies, and often engage in body play with children their own age. But if this went on for a long time and is something you feel bad about, then it might be something worth exploring with a counsellor. Hi Cate, it is of course possible. It depends on the child and the situation. There is no exact term for it. The worry should be the wellbeing of the child, not whether they have changed the story.
I also used to get pleasure from dry humping random objects and sometimes family friends who were older. It makes me feel sick! A child is innocent and curious. The article explains the difference between normal child sexual play and abuse.
If you did have other experiences that made you feel so ashamed or were abusive, or if there is more to this story, all of this would be worth exploring with a therapist in the safe and confidential space of a therapy room.
I think i was a perpetrator of child on child abuse and i am confused whether that was a normal behaviour or a child on child abuse , i just have glimpse of memories that is it ok for a 12 year old boy to hold thigh of a 9 year old girl during a so called statue statue game , and after being grown up its feel so bad , guilty from inside , Idk what to say i am just questioning my self again and again how can i do so , and whether it was a child on child abuse or not , provided that both the children knows each other at that time , and it happens for about 4 to 5 times idk But now as a person its just horrifying me again and again that how can i do so.
Hi Alex, would you consider going to talk to a counsellor about this? Children are curious about bodies, and they also learn from the adults around them and mimic what they see or what happened to them. A therapist could help you work through these feelings and decide on a way forward, on how you would like to handle this.
And help you navigate, process, and heal any other circumstances that led to you acting out as a child. We wish you courage! It eats away at my inside and whenever I feel good in life it always seems to cross my mind and makes me feel like i am the worst person.
When I was 9 years old and my sister was 4 I explored her private parts on a few occasions which included rubbing and did it once to my little brother aswell.
Being a Christian I confessed it to a priest a few years ago which only temporarily made me feel a bit better about the whole thing and in recent times the scenario seems to run through my head more and more and really deteriorates my mental well-being on a daily basis.
Hi John, this is a sensitive situation, and not something a stranger should tell you how to handle over a comment. The right way to handle this is really what works for you, there is no exact answer. In summary, children are very curious about bodies and do explore. But sometimes they learn certain behaviours from adults, or see things adults do that they then mimic, and there can also be trauma in how they learned those behaviours.
Or they are upset about other things, so hurt other children. But all those other hurts and upsets that caused the acting out are important and are also part of the story, even if the brain over focuses on one thing. Please do reach out for support on this. An experienced trained therapist will not at all judge but will want to help. I am 18 year old , and i am struggling with my own memories from last 2 months and i am confused that whether it was normal or an evil inside me , I remember few instances from past where i was like 13 or 14 , i was in marriage event and it was all crowded and every one were enjoying all there dancing and me being with my cousins and some women ,i remember it was intentional that i touch loin of one the woman there , which I now thought it to be inappropriate behaviour and touch by me and which is harming me with the guilt how can i do so , and also one more instance that i was in a car with my cousins and i probably intentionally made an inappropriate touch to my elder sister which looks like to done by mistake but it was only me who knows it is intentional during the same phase of my life and now after being grown up it is hurting me every moment how can i do so.
Hi Joseph, so consent really matters. But the fact you feel guilty is actually a good thing. Guilt is there to help us see where we need to do some work on ourselves and shows we have a healthy conscience. Each and every one of us. It makes us someone who made a mistake. And we also just about remember that although they seemed great fun, we did not know why they were so exciting and absorbing.
Curiosity about another child's body is a perfectly innocent rite of passage which is absolutely nothing to worry about. Most parents know that, yet it is not quite so simple. Take the loo roll incident. As soon as I saw them, conflicting thoughts entered my head. I knew I didn't want to impose my adult consciousness on them, and reminded myself that the game meant nothing.
This was followed swiftly by the probably absurd thought that to make a big deal of it might make them erotically stuck - that in adult life they'd only be turned on by pink paper and wellies someone I know who can only get sexually aroused by wearing women's clothes says it is because his mother caught him dressed in her clothes and was so angry.
And yet I was ill at ease, too, with the heavy atmosphere in my son's bedroom and their desire to be alone together. I had the feeling that I ought to try and impose boundaries. The truth is that most of us would really rather not have to deal with our children's sexuality.
While childcare books are cheerful about masturbation convey to your child that it is fine in private, they chorus none can face a paragraph on how to manage the sexual games most parents will have to deal with at some point.
Christine Cottle, a child and family psychotherapist, thinks this is because most adults can't "cast their minds back to prepubescence, when unformed sexuality is expressed by exploratory sensation rather then the adult perception of arousal leading to intercourse. It would be unusual if they weren't," she says. Like Cottle, Dr Duncan Mclean from the Anna Freud Centre says that the way parents react to exploratory games is very important, and that it is important to find the line between condemning and condoning the behaviour.
Cottle advises: "A brisk but relaxed change of mood is probably a good idea if you feel awkward about your child wanting to play these sort of games with someone else's child, or they seem to be playing 'doctors and nurses' to the exclusion of everything else. Take them to the park or think of another activity. If all else fails, be patient. My sister's children used to play "bum-sniffing" in which they would not only sniff each others bums but go round trying to sniff other children's bottoms.
They seemed like little animals and when they started to do it in public I am afraid I did resort to saying that it was 'unhygienic' which is probably the same as saying 'dirty'.
The only thing that stopped them in the end was growing out of it. But what if the child does not grow out of it, or if one's vague embarrassment is replaced by a deeper unease? A friend's son who has played his fair share of exploratory games came home from tea with a school friend upset.
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